ideologyhunter
Contributor
"Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus?" has an entirely different meaning when asked by the warden in a Mexican prison.
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Even without that....
1) I'm male and completely straight. Jesus is male, I'm only interested in a relationship with a female.
2) I'm in an exclusive relationship with someone else.
SLD
Contributor
On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods, the golfer."
Long"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."
The couple then makes passionate love.
When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time.
When they finish, he goes back to the phone.
"What are you doing now?" she asks.
"I'm still hungry, so I'm going to ring room service for some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time."
The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed.
Exhausted after the third lovemaking session, he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole!"
SLD
Contributor
A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she
goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his
tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok." She thinks
that is a bit odd and asks him about it.
Dennis says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and
Reebok pays me for advertisement." A bit later, his pants are off and she sees
"Puma" tattooed on his leg.
He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear
comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis. She jumps back
with shock.
"I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!" exclaims the woman.
Dennis Rodman replies, "It's cool baby. In a minute it's going to say
'ADIDAS.'"
goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his
tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok." She thinks
that is a bit odd and asks him about it.
Dennis says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and
Reebok pays me for advertisement." A bit later, his pants are off and she sees
"Puma" tattooed on his leg.
He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear
comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis. She jumps back
with shock.
"I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!" exclaims the woman.
Dennis Rodman replies, "It's cool baby. In a minute it's going to say
'ADIDAS.'"
unapologetic
50+ years without a god
A sailor and a marine leave the head.
The sailor says to the marine; "ya know, in the navy they train us to wash our hands after we piss."
The marine replies; "in the marines they train us to not piss on our hands."
The sailor says to the marine; "ya know, in the navy they train us to wash our hands after we piss."
The marine replies; "in the marines they train us to not piss on our hands."