HHS White Paper 2026.41a: Causation of Same-Sex Attraction - Myth Vs. Science
Same-sex attraction is a divisive issue in America, as some see it as a vice and a sign of moral decay, and others see it as a form of mental illness.
Under President Donald J. Trump, the HHS has gathered a consortium of top scientists, sociologists, and pastors to unlock the secrets of this phenomenon. A full report will be issued in the near future, perhaps in two weeks. Here are some provisional findings.
MYTHS:
1. An interest in rodent genitals, such as the raccoon penis, is neither a sign nor a cause of same-sex attraction, even when the appendage is collected off the roadside.
2. An interest in gold decoration, whether in the form of ornamentation, gold leaf applique, brocade, insignia/regalia, especially when used as a predominant theme in home decor, is neither a sign nor a cause of same-sex attraction.
3. If a man shows a strong interest in discussing the genitalia of a male sports figure, such as a legendary golfer, this is neither a sign nor a cause of same-sex attraction. It is more likely a form of story-telling.
RESEARCH-BASED SCIENCE:
1. Research shows that mothers of homosexual children used Tylenol heavily during pregnancy. Just say no to Tylenol. Don't let your doctor prescribe Tylenol. Take anything else but Tylenol. Endure a little pain rather than taking Tylenol. It will mess you up. Stay away from Tylenol.
2. The public schools have become a recruiting ground for sex envoys of the LBGTQ world. Not only have Massachusetts and New York elementary schools mandated weekly drag queen story hours beginning in kindergarten, they have launched discriminatory practices which discourage the hiring of cis-gender teachers. In Minneapolis, the primary grade restrooms have been redesigned with glory holes, 'dark encounter' stalls, and fashion show runways. Seattle public schools ran a Jeff Stryker film festival, during instruction time, for the sixth grade. In San Francisco, the lunchroom milk cartons have been spiked with Tylenol.
The NEA has established a Pink Flamingos Prize to the teacher who recruits the most students to the LGBTQ lifestyle. This prize, with a cash bonus of $50,000 or more, is given clandestinely each year at some Rhode Island beach community. The 2023 award was presented by Nancy Pelosi, dressed in a tuxedo and top hat.
3. Obstetric research shows us that, in twin births, if one twin is in the breech position and one is head-down, the twins will be gay.
More in two weeks.