• Welcome to the Internet Infidels Discussion Board.

Joke gallery

TV and credit cards said:
thebeave said:
TV and credit cards said:
Loren Pechtel said:
Tigers! said:
What is the worst thing a braille user could read?

Do not touch this.
Click to expand...
Well, there are things out there labeled "drop and run". By the time you read that in braille it's too late.
Click to expand...
Interesting that fire extinguisher signs are in braille.
"You sent who to get a fire extinguisher?"
Click to expand...
The manufacturers probably did that so they wouldn't get sued under the ADA.
Click to expand...
Yeah. My guess is the law doesn’t specifically exempt them.
Click to expand...
The more amusing braille story was from years ago when someone pointed out that drive through ATMs had braille on them. Funny, but not too surprising when you consider the ATM suppliers just used the same basic chassis/nameplates for both the drive through and walkup ATMs to save on inventory management and production costs.
 
How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Mississippi?
Anywhere else, they'd have named it the teethbrush.

A man goes to the dentist with three broken teeth. The dentist says, "Well, what happened to you?"
The man says, "My wife served me steak, and it was just too tough to chew."
The dentist says, "My gosh, why didn't you just say it was improperly cooked, and refuse to eat it?"
The man says, "Right. That's what I did."
 
Falcons have a lifespan of about 15 years. It has been 25 years since the new millennium therefore all falcons alive today are

Millennium falcons
 
thebeave said:
TV and credit cards said:
thebeave said:
TV and credit cards said:
Loren Pechtel said:
Tigers! said:
What is the worst thing a braille user could read?

Do not touch this.
Click to expand...
Well, there are things out there labeled "drop and run". By the time you read that in braille it's too late.
Click to expand...
Interesting that fire extinguisher signs are in braille.
"You sent who to get a fire extinguisher?"
Click to expand...
The manufacturers probably did that so they wouldn't get sued under the ADA.
Click to expand...
Yeah. My guess is the law doesn’t specifically exempt them.
Click to expand...
The more amusing braille story was from years ago when someone pointed out that drive through ATMs had braille on them. Funny, but not too surprising when you consider the ATM suppliers just used the same basic chassis/nameplates for both the drive through and walkup ATMs to save on inventory management and production costs.
Click to expand...
There's a use case for a braille drive-up ATM. Taxi passenger.
 
A firetruck is called out to a raunchy side of town. The fire captain spots the burning building. It's got a marquee sign that says Starbutts Strip Club. The captain calls out, "Where my hose at?"
 
An old guy brings a scruffy looking young woman to his doctor appointment. He says, "Doc, you warned me that having sex could give me a heart attack. I thought if I had sex here in your office, you'd be right on the spot in case something bad happens. And you can tell me if I'm doing something dangerous."
The doctor says, "If it will set your mind at ease, and if it will protect your heart, I guess we can do this."
The old guy throws off his pants and skivvies, lies down on the examination table, and the woman services him for the next ten minutes. Then he hops off the table.
The doctor says, "You didn't move hardly at all. She did all the moving. Why did I have to see this?"
The old guy says, "Candi here wanted to take me to Motel 6. That's $95 out of pocket. Here I got a $15 copay."
 
A trophy fisherman and his wife go to the police station. The fisherman tells the desk cop that he was mugged just after docking his boat. There was a scuffle, and the thief got away.
The cop says, "Can you describe the man who attacked you?"
The fisherman says, "Well, he was eight feet tall if he was an inch. He weighed about 650 or 700 pounds. And if my wife here hadn't distracted me at the last minute, I'da caught him for sure."
 
A young father pulls the obstetrician aside and says, "Doc, when can we have sex?"
The doctor says, "I didn't think you'd ask. Meet me in the car park in two hours."

What's the last thing you want to hear your proctologist say?
"Pull my finger."

What did Kurt Cobain tell his proctologist?
"Here we are now, enter anus."
 
Trump and his Mrs. are in the skybox for a baseball game. It's close to game time when Trump slides the big window open and throws Melania out. As the crowd watches the Jumbotron, she bounces off a churro cart and lands on the floor.
The man in the press box shouts, "No, Mr. President. I was inviting you to throw out the first pitch!!"
 
A wife says to her husband, "Do these jeans make my butt look big?"
The husband says, "Do you promise not to get mad, if I tell you the truth?"
She says, "Yes."
He says, "But do you really, really promise?"
She says, "Yes, I really, really promise."
He says, "Okay. I fucked your mom."
 
A few minutes before the wedding, the best man stands beside the groom. He notices that the groom has a huge smile on his face. He says, "You were a mess of nerves half an hour ago. What happened?"
The groom whispers, "Ten minutes ago, when I was getting into my tux, she sneaked into the room and gave me a wonderful blow job without saying a word. I am marrying one wonderful woman!"
The bride enters the back of the church and stands next to her bridesmaids. One of them sees a giant smile on her face and says, "I thought you were a nervous wreck about all this. What happened?"
The bride says, "I just gave my last...one of those...ever!"
 
A husband follows his wife around the house and says, "Jesus, your butt is bigger than my grill!"
She ignores him, but two minutes later he comes behind her and stretches a tape measure across her rear. He then takes the tape measure out to the patio and measures the grill. He yells, "I take back what I said. They're the same size!!"
That night she comes to bed and he makes a seductive look in her direction. She says, "Fuck off. You think I'd fire up this grill for a single cocktail wiener?"
 
Two old guys get to talking. One says, "You told me you're no longer vigorous in bed. But you've never tried Cialis. I'm telling you, it's a game changer. You take this stuff, and you'll be railing your wife every night of the week!"
His buddy says, "So, it's a sedative?"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom